Belated NFL Preview

Because I have not weighed in on the NFL, I feel I must. Take this preview with a grain of salt since two weeks have pretty much been completed, but here are my division winners and playoff picks:

AFC
East - New England
North - Cincinnati
South - Indy
West - Denver
Wild Card - San Diego
Wild Card - Tennessee

NFC
East - Philly
North - Chicago
South - New Orleans
West - Seattle
Wild Card - Dallas
Wild Card - Arizona

Playoffs - First Round
San Diego over Cincinnati
Denver over Tennessee
Seattle over Dallas
New Orleans over Arizona

Playoffs - Second Round
New England over Denver
San Diego over Indy
Philly over New Orleans
Seattle over Chicago

Conference Championships
New England over San Diego
Philly over Seattle

SUPER BOWL XLII
New England over Philly

Offensive MVP: Tom Brady, Pats (Season and Super Bowl)
Defensive MVP: Adalius Thomas, Pats
Offensive Rookie: Calvin Johnson, Lions
Defensive Rookie: Chinedum Ndukwe (ok, seriously lets go with Patrick Willis from the 49ers)

There you have it, my NFL preview two weeks late. Sorry for the delay.

Truly Offensive

I have returned from my blog posting hiatus because something needs to be said about this disgraceful performance shown so far from Notre Dame's football team. The season so far has been nothing short of an embarrassment. We are dead last in every major offensive statistic in all of Division 1-A. We couldn't block a high school team's Defensive Line, let alone a major college program. With the upcoming schedule, 0-10 is a distinct possibility. Notre Dame has never started a season 0-4, but I all but guarentee that this happens with a tough Michigan State team coming to South Bend on Saturday. They want revenge after last season' meltdown and always play us tough to begin with. Purdue has been putting up a huge amount of points, and we have scored a total of 13 in three games. UCLA is struggling but has 20 starters back from the team that should have beaten us last year. BC might be the class of the ACC, and just destroyed the Georgia Tech team that destroyed us. USC will score at least 80 points on us. Navy is overdue for a win, and has to be licking their chops. Air Force has looked great. Even Duke has a win this year. Something must be done, and it must be done soon.

It's Been Too Long Friends

Ladies and gentlemen, I have returned. It has been too long, but I just haven't felt the need to make any posts for the past month and a half. Baseball season has been droning on, and most sports stories are negative ones. However, today is a great day, for the College Football season has officially arrived. NFL Training Camp is under way, and the season will be here before you know it. The regular posting will begin shortly, probably when I finish work this week. In store for the fall, I will be making regular picks of the week's biggest college games and all the NFL games. Maybe OC will even challenge me. Who knows. My official College and NFL Previews, complete with picks for the winners of every conference, will come sometime in the next week or two. Yet for now, I just wanted to say a couple things about the stories that have broken since I last spoke.

1) Michael Vick will be found guilty. Regardless of whether he did it or not, the Feds want to get him, and the other three guys will cave in and become witnesses against Vick. Maybe he can join Pac-Man over at TNA Wrestling.

2) I don't care about the NBA Referee scandal.

3) Bill Simmons reported in his ESPN Magazine column that Rosie O'Donnell may be joining the cast of Friday Night Lights. If this happens, it would be truly awful. Please, NBC, do not let that bitch ruin my favorite show on TV.

4) Kudos to the NL East for being the only division with balls. The Braves, Mets, and Phillies all made trades to upgrade their teams for the long run. Earlier this year, I picked the Bravos to win the division and the Phils to get the Wild Card, both of which are still possible. Big week this week, as the Braves travel to New York and then Philly for 3 games a piece.

Well, that is all. Stay tuned in the coming week or so for all the football talk you can handle.

Koshinuke!

I woke up this morning in the god-awful city of Schenctady, NY and happened to catch the morning SportsCenter. To my dismay, they reported that legendary hot dog eating champion Takeru Kobayashi is listed as day-to-day for next week's Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Competition on Coney Island with a sore jaw. This is terrible news! Not only do I love watching Kobayashi scarf down upwards of 50 hot dogs every July 4th, but this year had the makings of an instant classic. For those of you not up to speed on the world of competitive eating, American Joey Chestnut broke Kobayashi's world hot dog eating record in a qualifier for this event. Chestnut has finished second to Kobayashi a couple times, always finishing a few dogs short. Thus, we had what was shaping up as a Weiner eat-off for the ages...6-time defending champion Kobayashi versus World Record holder Joey Chestnut. There seem to be two common schools of thought regarding Kobayashi's jaw "injury". Apparently, his jaw is "sore" and he cannot open it wide enough to eat hot dogs. Thus, a great debate has emerged among experts in the sport. On one hand are those who believe Kobayashi's injury to be legit. Among those experts are Dick Vitale and Barry Melrose, who feel that Kobayashi would do everything in his power to defend his title. On the other hand are those who feel Kobayashi is afraid of Mr. Chestnut and doesn't want to be beaten by this young upstart. This view is supported by none other than John "I like Chestnut because I only have one Chestnut" Kruk. Personally, I have to side with Mr. Kruk on this one. I have never tried competitive eating, but I know that one doesn't have to open their jaw very much to eat a hot dog. The tough part about eating hot dogs comes in the digestive system. If you don't believe me, ask Chubbs. However, I think Kobayashi is just too afraid of Chestnut and thus doesn't want to be embarrassed by an American on the Fourth of July. Regardless of the validity of Kobayashi's injury, I hope to see him out there on Coney Island battling with Joey Chestnut. It could be an eating competition for the ages.

Tony P. has flow, on and off the court

Cavs now promote Huggies (They're shitting their pants for the quick-witted among you)

Thats right, I'm watching the Cavaliers shit the bed. While San Antonio came into Cleveland looking as bad as they have almost all playoffs, Cleveland just seems to not want to win. So far Ginobli has not scored a point, Duncan had to sit for almost a quarter after picking up 3 fouls in the first half, and Parker has not been his usual self. I'm starting this entry with about 4 minutes left in the game, completely confident of the Spurs coming out of this 3-0. The last two possessions have consisted of Pavlovic being forced into a 22 foot fadeaway from the corner because Gooden and his rat tail getting the ball pinned against his leg and Varejao being stripped by Tony P. Lebron is passing the ball, missing shots and just not taking the team on his shoulders like he needs to to win. Back from commercial break, the Cavs are down by 4 with 2:24 left. *Update, James just took it strong and has played better in the past couple minutes. Tony P just nailed a three, and I'm pretty sure Eva winked at me when they cut to her. * As we cut to commercial, the Cavs will have one shot to tie down 3 with 10.4 seconds left. Could this be the reversal of the Jordan over Eloh moment Cleveland sports has been awaiting for years? James over Bowen sends it to OT, with the Cavs pulling it out in Seven? Doubtful. And there we have it, Cavs lose. While they made it closer than I thought, the outcome remains the same. Lebron's chance to be annointed as the new Jordan will have to wait at least one more year, sorry Cleveland.

PS. Keep checking back for the release date of www.athleteswives.com, a comprehensive database of athletes' wives, girlfriends, significant others and drunken mistakes.

Oakmont here we come

Let me begin by saying that I really hate this time of year. Baseball is nearing the halfway point of it's 162 game season. The NHL Playoffs have ended without the Flyers holding the cup (yet again). I could care less about the NBA Playoffs, especially a Finals as pitiful as this one. And we were denied yet another chance to see a Triple Crown winner. However, there is one thing to look forward to, and it occurs this coming weekend in the great state of Pennsylvania. What I am talking about is of course the 2007 US Open. This year it will be played at the very challenging Oakmont Country Club just outside of Pittsburgh. So far, the main thing being talked about is the way the course will be set up. The last few US Opens have not gone quite like the USGA had planned, ranging from the disaster at Shinnecock to the Massacre at Winged Foot. In those opens, "unfair" conditions led to higher than average scoring, with Geoff Ogilvy winning last year at 5-over par. Expect much of the same this year, as professionals have weighed in with their thoughts on what the winning score will be. Tiger Woods is predicting 4-over. Adam Scott thinks 6-over. Vijay Singh even said 10-over. Thus, I think the winner of this year's Open will probably be someone who drives it straight, scrambles well, and doesn't take a lot of risks. Thus, I'm going with hometown hero Jim Furyk to win Major Championship #2 at a score of 3-over par. Play starts Thursday.

A few other things to wrap up before I go:

Happy Belated 20th Birthday to my brother Mike...one more year to go buddy.

I will try to keep writing blog entries, but again, I hate forcing them. If something comes up, I will be happy to jot down my thoughts. Otherise, I don't want to clog this space with nonsense. Any ideas for an entry are always welcome...stay tuned for the US Open recap later this week.

And finally, I had to pass on this interesting story from the Washington, PA Observer-Reporter. It's about a recent recruiting visit made by Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis and an unnamed assistant. Now, I am not totally sold on Charlie as the answer at Notre Dame (yet at least), and think he is a pompous ass. But this story is pretty funny, especially the description of Charlie's physical stature.

"A few weeks ago, Weis and one of his assistants arrived at the front door of Trinity High School at a most inopportune time. According to Trinity football coach Ed Dalton, the Notre Dame party arrived at the same time an administrator's meeting was taking place in another part of the school. The hallway outside Dalton's office, where Weis and his assistant were standing, would have been barren except that a fight between two students had broken out. That type of activity tends to draw a crowd. Weis and his assistant moved toward the two combatants but were stopped in the hallway by a Trinity staffer, who demanded to know why they were not wearing visitor badges. After identifying themselves, Weis and his assistant were allowed through and immediately walked up to the two battling students. "(Weis) said, 'You want a piece of me?'" Dalton recalled. The two fighters stopped to size up Weis, a hulk of a man whose arms are large enough to rip a phone book in half. The fight was called because of common sense. Then Weis turned to Dalton and asked, "What do I get for that?" Dalton replied, "If you stay until 11 a.m., you can do lunch duty." Weis politely declined and moved along to the next high school.

Hopefully he can bring that kind of attitude to the defense this year.

Greatest party ever?

Loyal readers, I just attended what may go down as the greatest party ever thrown. Before I get to the top ten greatest moments of the party, allow me to touch on a few other things. It's great to be back in Central Pennsylvania. I start work tomorrow, and let me tell you that I am not looking forward to a daily 7 AM wake up call. Anyone that knows me is aware of my desire to sleep until at least noon. Lets hope I can adjust to those early mornings.

There weren't really any great sporting events this past weekend, aside from some softball played at the party (we'll get to that later). As I have said before, I could care less about the NBA Playoffs. The Mighty Ducks have taken a 1-0 lead over Ottawa in the Stanley Cup Finals, but I unless Charlie Conway, Adam Banks, and Gordon Bombay are involved, there are no Mighty Ducks in my opinion. However, congrats to Mr. Ashley Judd for winning the rain-shortened Indy 500. I didn't get to watch this because I was driving home, but apparently there were some pretty intense wrecks. I cannot wait for football season.

Now, onto the top ten moments from the Party. I don't want to name names for two reasons: First, legal reasons. Second, I thought we could play a good game here. You read the moment and try to guess who I am talking about. Feel free to tell me your guesses.

#10...Someone tearing a tendon in their finger while making a web gem in center field at about 3 PM. Said person returned to the party sober at about 6PM and was shattered by 8PM.

#9...One of our friends and one of Billy's friends playing 2nd Base and Right Field, respectively. These two contributed the game's comic relief, making everyone laugh in several different ways. The most notable occured when Person A closelined Person B trying to make a catch, along with said persons running into each other and a possible on the ground make out.

#8...Billy giving a speech to his guests, asking them to forgive in advance the inappropriate behavior of his Notre Dame friends they would soon witness.

#7...Someone who tried to slay beer as fast as possible while laughing at the advice "Person C, It's a marathon, not a sprint." Person C then passed out by 8 PM.

#6...Person A pulling the Photo Booth make out, then "misplacing the photos".

#5...Waking up, unable to find Person D. It was only after walking to my car to change clothes did I realize that he had passed out in his car.

#4...Person E introducing the group to the '57 Chevy. There is nothing humorous about this moment, yet it was such a delicious drink that it had to be mentioned.

#3...Person F taking several shots with his mother, then running out of the tent covering his mouth. He then promptly puked on the train tracks.

#2...Person G waking up on the floor, two hours after his flight had left. He was strangely unalarmed.

#1...Person H being forcefully ejected from the main tent before 8 PM. He was the drunkest person in attendance, an award that was fiercely contested. His performance will become the stuff of legend.

There you have it, ten of many stories from this past weekend's extravaganza. Unfortunately, words do not do this party justice. I might never be at one like it ever again. Here's hoping Billy gets married in the next couple of years, and that I make the cut for the reception.

A Putt Putt Match for the Ages

Let me begin this post by saying that the past week has been crazy. With graduation and everything that goes along with it, I have not had time to even watch many games, let alone write about them. Also, I have been living without both cable and the internet since Monday, and am shocked that I am still alive. It's been the toughest 4 days of my life. Also, I will be venturing to Chicago with some other gentlemen to attend what could go down as the greatest party in the history of both parties and history: The Graduation Celebration of Mr. William McEnery. Thus, I will again not have internet for the next couple days (probably until Monday). With that said, here are a few things I wanted to say:

Congratulations to Curlin for edging out Kentucky Derby winner Street Sense in the Preakness. I am saddened that I couldn't attend this day of white trash debauchery, but I guess Graduation is a little more important in the long run. Unfortunately, this means that there again will be no Triple Crown winner (29 years and counting).

As for the NBA Playoffs, I could care less. I hate the Spurs. I hate the Jazz. I hate the Pistons. I am indifferent about the Cavs. Yet, I thought I'd offer my thoughts on each series. The Spurs will win this in 5 games. The Pistons will win in 7 games. Thats all I have to say about the playoffs.

I had been looking forward to the May 22nd NBA Draft Lottery for weeks. Although the Sixers had less than a 1% chance of winning the #1 and about 2% to win the #2, I held out hope. Alas, when the #12 spot came up, it was Philadelphia. Oh well, it happens. The real drama of the night, however, came when the top three statistical favorites all missed out on the #1 AND #2 picks. I wish they had shown that Boston lottery party after unvieling their #5 pick. Perhaps they couldn't because of the carnage...who knows. Oh well, welcome to Portland, Greg Oden!

Finally, I wanted to relate a tale about an epic battle of Miniature Golf that took place in Mishawaka on the afternoon of Monday, May 21st, 2007. Eight brave men took to the course, dividing into two teams of four in a Ryder Cup style format. On one team, calling themselves America, was Bon, Josh, Hella, and myself. On the other, calling themselves Europe, was Tom Bush, Meckes, OC, and Cork. In the first round, which was combined team score match play, the Europeans jumped to early advantages in both rounds. The team of Cork and TB closed out the team of myself and Bon 4&3. I should have known that I had the wrong brother in this matchup, but that's just the way it goes. The other matchup was much closer, but Europe took this one as well 1up.

In the second round, which was total strokes for each team, the Americans knew they needed to get on the board, and fast. The team of Hella and Josh jumped to an early lead and coasted to victory over Cork and young Bush. In the second match, OC and Meckes jumped out to a 7 stroke lead through just 6 holes. It was looking very grim for the Americans. Yet, behind improved play from myself and clutch putting from Bon, Team America stormed back to an easy 4 stroke victory. Going to the final round, it was TIED 2-2!

Before the third round, individual match play, each team set their lineups. Europe tried to outthink their opponents and made a strategic lineup. Team American merely used alphabetical order. Match One pitted Josh against Meckes in a very important match. This was a seesaw battle, but Josh used 6 hole-in-ones to defeat Meckes 3&2. Match Two saw myself jump to a 2-up lead through 2 holes over OC, only to lose that lead by hole 5. It was a dogfight, but OC came through with a 2-up victory. It should also be noted that the lady working at Putt Putt Golf and Games accused us of cheating and trying to play more holes. Hasn't she ever heard of a shotgun? Match Three also went down to the wire, with Bon trailing Cork by one with two to play. After just missing a hole in one, Bon forced dormie but was unable to take the 18th from Cork. The Europeans now held a 4-3 lead with TB leading Hella 2-up through 15. Alas, Hella got the yips and lost the hole, losing 3&2. It was truly an epic battle...check your local listings to see in on future editions of ESPN Instant Classics.

There you have it, my week in review. I will be back Monday with more posts about the weekend, notably the shenanigans occuring in Chicago this Saturday. Stay Classy, Planet Earth.

Brady Quinn, Village Person

Heading to the Oracle

Let me first say that I have really enjoyed the NBA Playoffs. Normally, at this point of the year all I worry about is in what round will the Flyers choke. Since said choke happened in November of this year, I was worried about having a relatively bland sports spring and early summer. Yet, these NBA playoffs have been excellent. Golden State has thrown everything but the kitchen sink at the Jazz, and I just cannot see them losing this series. At worst, they should be up 2-1. In all reality, they should be up 3-0. Yet, they were outplayed in the closing minutes of Game One and choked away Game Two. That said, they WILL NOT lose at the Oracle. No way. Thus, they have to win one of two games in Salt Lake. I think that will be Game Five. We shall see. I just wish the NBA would allow Gus Johnson to call a game. He would explode watching these guys play. They are like the Suns without fundamentals. It's fantastic. Also, if you haven't seen Baron's posterizing of Kirilinko, check it out. A Russian hasn't been shat on like that since Rocky IV.

On a side note, tune into the Bulls-Pistons Game Four and look for Meckes holding a broom. Great fun for everyone.

We are now about a week away from the NBA Draft Lottery on May 22nd. The Sixers have exactly a 0.7% chance of winning the top pick. With typical Philadelphia luck and the wonderfully inept Billy King, they'll end up with the 12 and waste it on Spencer Hawes. Thousands of Philadelphians will immediately jump into the Schulkyl River holding bowling balls. That, or they will draft Chris Thomas. Anyway, the Lottery should be a great entertainment, as there are not one but two franchise players available.

Well that's it for now, not only are there a ton of sports to watch on TV, but it is a beautiful day here in St. Joseph County. Check back later after the Warriors even up the series.

Weekend Wrap Up

I am pleased to report that I, along with every one of my friends who made the trip, have returned from the Kentucky Derby very much bruised and battered, but alive. Although my #1 and #2 picks (Any Given Saturday, Circular Quay) choked worse than Dallas, the third horse I bet on was Street Sense, so I was able to salvage some money (down $3.40 on the day...not bad). Many interesting stories to recount, but none of which should be posted here...ask me in person sometime. On to some housekeeping:

NBA PLAYOFFS
I have been making my 2nd round NBA picks as the matchups have been finalizing, and I will be dicussing these now. However, since some series have already started, you're going to have to take my word that I didn't wait til games started.

PISTONS over BULLS in 6...Living with several Bulls fans, I have watched many of their games this year, and think they have a great team. However, I was very skeptical of them when they lose the #2 seed on the last day of the season. Instead of the Wizards, Raptors, and Nets as possible matchups, they got the Heat and Pistons. Ouch. Both teams looked fantastic in their opening series sweeps, but I think Detroit is the class of the East. Also, I don't think you beat Detroit without post scoring, and the Bulls don't have that. Thus, gotta go with the Stons in 6 (maybe less, if the Bulls can't get over that flop in game one).

CAVS over NETS in 5...LeBron James has been on a mission since blowing the Pistons series last year. He looked great in sweeping the Agent Zero and Caron-less Wizards...but it WAS the depleted Wizards. The Nets are the only East team to lose a game in the first round, and never really impressed me. Cavs in 5.

WARRIORS over JAZZ in 6...How about those Warriors? You could make the argument that no team has looked better since Baron Davis returned on March 5. They absolutely killed Dallas...I've never seen a #1 seed look so scared by an 8. Dirk looked like he just had a couple King Cobras in Popo's garage (see: unprintable Derby story). ESPN experts just "reseeded" the playoffs and ranked GS the 2 overall. On the other hand, the Jazz won a very hard fought series in seven games over Houston. They are a very physical team. However, I can't see the Warriors losing in front of that raucous Oakland crowd, and think they can steal one in Utah.

SUNS over SPURS in 7...That Game One was awesome. Both teams are hungry and play outstanding basketball. I thought before the game that the Suns will control the tempo more than San Antonio, thus giving them the advantage. Yet, I realize now that the Spurs can play at any tempo with any opponent. In hindsight, I should have realized this...but I'm sticking to my pre-series pick of Suns in 7. Lets hope Nash takes out revenge for his nose.

THE FIGHT TO SAVE BOXING
I did not watch the fight, as my actions on the morning and afternoon of May 5th prohibited this. I was too exhausted to travel to a bar to watch the event, and did not feel like paying $50 bucks. I was, however, pulling for Mayweather...not because I don't like Oscar, but because I love the way Mayweather wants to be bad. Also, I side with Roger over Floyd, Sr. Regardless, this fight did not save boxing. Rocky couldn't save boxing at this point. It's done. No one grows up wanting to be a pro boxer any more, save Camp the People's Champ, and this fight didn't change that.

SPIDERMAN 3
Without spoiling anything about Spiderman 3, I just had to vent a little. I was very excited when I arrived back in South Bend and saw that it earned $148 million dollars this weekend, just edging Aquaman for the largest opening of all time. Yet, in the words of John Bush, "I never wanted a movie to end more than I did during that movie." If I hear a critic giving it more than two stars, I might lose it. The movie had a few good parts, but was clearly the worst of the three-part series. Calling this movie "cheesy" is insult to cheesy movies everywhere. I really want to ask the writers what they were thinking...Did they just give up? Did they not care? Did they want to make this movie into a spoof of the other two Spideys?

Ok, sorry for that rant, but I haven't been this disappointed leaving a movie theatre since the popcorn trick failed. It's finals week here at ND, so I don't know how many posts I will be making. I'll try my hardest to get some up, but I make no promises. Until next time, I'm out.

Keyshawn released by the Panthers, hilarity ensues

If Keyshawn was getting anywhere near pulling his foot out of his mick jagger-sized mouth, he just stuck it so far back down its now coming out of his ass. As you'll see from the below clip, Keyshawn was a talking head at this year's NFL draft. After the Panthers drafted Dwayne Jarrett, Keyshawn grabbed the spotlight, proclaiming himself Jarrett's mentor and letting the viewing public know all the ways he's going to groom DJ to be just like himself. Less than a week later, the Panthers release Keyshawn in an effort to make sure he turns out to be nothing like Keyshawn.... head's up move Carolina. But hey don't worry Keyshawn, with email and AIM, it will be like you're right there at Panther's training camp with Dwayne, even if you are on your living room couch or in the press box announcing a big time I-AA matchup.